So Small
by theyHAUNTme
Summary: At her mother's house, Sara realizes that the person she left behind is the person she needs the most. GSR, spoilers for Goodbye and Good Luck


**So Small**

**Disclaimer: **I own absolutely nothing!

**Spoilers:** Mostly for **Goodbye & Good Luck**, but there may be others I am unaware of.

**Summary:** While at her mother's house, Sara realizes that the person she left behind is the person she needed most. GSR

**A/N:** Thanks to my super-fast beta by thjersyjnkx33! You rock hon! If anyone else would like to be my beta, PM me!

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Sara was at her mother's house, crying in the guest bedroom. She was hugging her pillow to her chest, thinking about all of the people she had left behind in Vegas...about Gil. She didn't even warn him, or say a proper goodbye...a letter doesn't quite do the trick. She ran her fingers through her hair and gripped it tightly. She was wearing his sweatshirt because it smelled of him, bringing her some form of comfort. A knock suddenly sounded on the door, and she told her mother to come in.

"Sara, are you okay?" she asked, her mothering instincts kicking in. "Sweetie, what's wrong? Do you feel okay?"

"Mom, I just can't stop thinking of Gil," she whimpered. "I didn't even say goodbye...I just kissed him goodbye in front of everyone and left him a frickin' letter. God, I feel like crap...he probably hates me. He was the only good thing that has happened to me in a long while. He'll hate me...our relationship is over."

"Hon, from the stories you've told me, he'll continue loving you until the very end," Laura told Sara gently. "But what do you have if you don't have people who love you? Look around you sweetie...you're surrounded by friends and family. Don't be afraid to open up and let someone help."

**What you got if you ain't got love?  
The kind that you just wanna give away  
It's okay to open up  
Go ahead and let the light shine through**

"I know you don't like to talk to people about your feelings," Laura said with a distant smile. "You never have...even as a kid. But don't shut yourself away from the world...don't shut me or Gil out. All we want to do is help you, honey."

The tears streamed down her face, but Sara realized that her mother was right. Even though she wasn't comfortable with expressing her feelings, she realized that all people have been trying to do was help her. She felt even worse, if that was possible. She had been pushing Grissom away, even though all he had wanted to do was help her. She choked back a sob and moaned.

**I know it's hard on a rainy day,  
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone  
But don't run out on your faith**

"Why did you even leave him and come here?" Laura asked, wrapping her arms around her daughter.

"This one case just rattled me," said Sara, looking off into the distance. "Well, two cases, really. One was with this child genius who reminded me somewhat of me. She framed her brother for murder. The second was a domestic violence...the woman walked into the room with a knife sticking out of her back. God, it took me back to _that_ night! She wouldn't do a freaking thing about it...she kept going back to it. I – I had just had enough. I was going to self-destruct and I didn't want Gil to see it happen."

"You know, sometimes your problems aren't as big as you think," her mother said softly. "And the thing you may have been searching for your whole life is right in front of you. Soon enough you'll figure out that someone who loves you is the most important thing you could have...when you lose that, everything else seems so small that it was ridiculous to even fret over it."

**Cuz sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand  
What you've been out there searchin' for forever, is in your hands  
When you figure out love is all that matters after all  
It sure makes everything else  
Seem so small**

Sara gasped as she realized that her mother was right. Laura rubbed her daughter's back soothingly as she whispered, "It's so easy to become lost inside your heart...I know I did. Even though your father beat me, he would smile at me, apologize, and promise it would never happen again. It happened every single night...but I was convinced he would change. And some problems do seem really big at the time...it's sort of like a wide, rushing river – it'll swallow you whole. But then you sit around thinking about things you can't change, and worry about all of the wrong things. Time will pass you by so quick, you won't know what happened...you'd better make it count because, try as you might, you can't get it back!"

Sara thought of her life with her fiancé and how she wouldn't trade it for the world. She buried her face in her hands, and massaged her temples. How could she have left him like that? God, what the hell was she thinking?

**It's so easy to get lost inside  
A problem that seems so big, at the time  
It's like a river that's so wide, it swallows you whole  
While you're sittin' 'round thinkin' 'bout what you can't change, and worryin' about all the wrong things  
Time's flying by, moving so fast  
You better make it count, cause you can't get it back**

"I was once told by a wise friend that the mountain I was climbing - metaphorically, of course - was just a grain of sand, because it wasn't very important in the scheme of things," Laura said. "Everything that I was searching for since a small kid was in my hands the whole time. I thought my life was crap, but whenever you smiled or laughed, I felt loved, and that made all of my other issues seem so small."

**Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand  
What you've been out there searchin' for forever is in your hands  
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all  
It sure makes everything else  
Seem so small**

"I honestly don't think you're problems are as big as you think, sweetheart," said the older woman, gently running her fingers through Sara's silky hair. "What have you been dreaming of since you were a small child?"

"A family...a true family," Sara whispered. "Someone who loves me for who I am, and someone I can love in return. Oh my God!"

"And that's exactly what you left behind," Laura said soothingly. "Now do you realize that the person you left behind is the person you've been praying for? I think Gil is the person you'd trust the most to see you self-destruct. You've left him behind to what? Go and settle some crap from the past...now doesn't that seem tiny compared to the love you've had with him?"

**Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing, is just a grain of sand  
What you've been out there searchin for forever is in your hands  
Oh, When you figure out love is all that matters after all  
It sure makes everything else  
Seem so small**

Sara sniffled and nodded. Laura hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. She stood up and smiled down at her daughter. She squeezed her daughter's hand as she said, "I think there's someone somewhere else who can comfort you more than I can. Come on, I'll help you pack...if you want to go, of course."

Sara nodded and gave her mother a small smile. The two of them packed her bag, and Sara went on her way. She drove for hours until she arrived at a familiar house. She took a deep breath and saw that his car was in the driveway. The clock read six o'clock at night, so he was probably awake right now. She walked up to the front door and knocked gently. She heard his exhausted voice call "I'm coming" and footsteps were approaching. The door opened and she saw her fiancé standing in the doorway, shocked.

"Sara?" he whispered, as if he couldn't believe his eyes.

"Hi, Gil," she muttered softly. "Um, may I come in?"

He enveloped her in his arms, and the tears fell. She wrapped her arms around him, apologizing over and over again. He kissed her passionately and walked backwards into the house. She felt the normal, homey feeling it had before she left.

"Gil, I'm so sorry," she whispered in between kisses. "I said that I didn't want you to see me self-destruct...I now realize you're the only person I'd trust enough to see it happen."

He caressed her cheek, wiping away the salty tears that were flooding down her cheeks. He kissed her and asked, "So, what made you come back?"

"My mom...she made me realize that without someone who loves me and without someone for me to love, life is pretty pointless," Sara responded, resting her cheek on his shoulder. "And...she was absolutely right. I couldn't imagine my life without you."

"Me neither...I'm glad you're home," he said, kissing her head tenderly.

"So am I, and I'm never leaving.

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**A/N 2:** Hope you enjoyed it! I wrote it in about 30 minutes, but my beta convinced me it wasn't crap! Tell me what you thought...if you hated it, tell me, and hopefully I'll change my ways and write something you'll like. Reviews make me happy...make me happy by reviewing. Pwease? 


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